When we
first bought our house, we found numerous peculiar things about the house. One
of those being locks we found on almost every interior door. The doors all had
latches that would go across each door and a few of them still had padlocks
hanging from the latch. We never really noticed nor paid much attention when we
did a walk through before buying the house. As odd as that may seem to not have
noticed, it is true. The house was in pretty bad shape all over that there was
plenty to look at. With all the doors sitting open, we never noticed. Discovering
the locks took us by surprise once we bought this worn out fixer upper and
with my vivid imagination, I ran a thousand possible what ifs by my husband as
we tried to make sense of the padlocked doors. I could only conclude that the
previous owner must have been some drug dealer who hid his stash of cash and/or
goods inside. We were never quite prepared for the real story.
Over the last year I ran into people here and there who happen
to know us through “so and so” within the local community. Each person was born
and raised within the same town so we began to generate several different
background stories on the house. My husband and I really just shook most of the
stories off because like all small towns they are filled with plenty of gossip.
The gossip is always the same where there is two sides to every story and yet
the truth lies right down the middle. However, despite my strong belief in trying
to live right I am still human. I too get caught up in a good story and
especially one that relates to us. All the stories we kept hearing were told
almost exactly the same. I could not help but fish for more
information. I had a need to know and like most people I still find myself
getting caught up in some downright dirty drama. That is life.
Here goes
the gist of the deal with our padlocked doors. The people drug me elbow deep
into this story and I nearly fell off my seat from how juicy the details were
even down to the affair. A couple previously lived here. The husband worked for
the school district. I can leave out some other details or else it might get
too personal. Anyhow his wife stayed home and was not allowed to work outside
the home or drive. Whaaaattt? I know, right? Anyways apparently he started
having an affair and it had gone on for years. The husband went as far as too
even buy his mistress a new car. Mind blown! He ran off with her and left his
wife here at the house and he took the kids. The kids got in the way so they
got shipped back to their mom. The husband came back and kept locking doors and
rooms just to keep his wife out of parts of the house. It got worse over time
where he kept coming back and even pushing her more and more out of parts of
the house. It got so bad that he and the kids ended up kicking and locking her
out of her own home. Let that sink in for a minute. 
Scary and
so very, very sad all at the same time. How in the world could that happen? I
know I pondered over that.I see how not only was the guy the scum of
the earth but let us look for a moment at the wife. She was so beaten down and
so insecure that she failed for years to even have a voice. She failed to know
her value and worth otherwise she would have never even allowed some man to
drag her that far into such a messed up situation. The issues started prior to
the man’s affair.
I am by no means meek, mild and or quiet. I have been referred to occasionally as kind but bold. I have a bleeding
heart that does and will break for anyone hurting, going through trials and I will do everything in my power to help those willing to help themselves. However,
I know when I am being stepped on and I often find myself wishing I had sat on
my hands. I stand up for those unable to speak for themselves. People close to
me know I can speak up when pushed. Some have heard me call my own husband out on his nonsense. Of course I
know which battles to pick and I know when to take a seat. He is the head of
our house and I have nothing but the utmost respect for my husband. However, he
can have off days where he lacks sleep and he can have days where his pants get
a little too heavy. I find him getting short with me and thinking he runs
this ship alone. I have also over the years found him making just some poor
choices and I know then and there it is time for me to let him know I disagree.
My job and goal is too encourage him to be a better man and human being. I expect the
same from him in return.
In the community around it seems
that women are expected to be meek and to be mild and to let the husband run
rampant when and where he feels necessary. Girls are taught or encouraged to be
the weaker sex and to feel intimidated by boys. That mentality grows into
adulthood. Ladies, teach your girls at a young age to be strong, to be fierce
and to find themselves. Help them to love who they are and to encourage them
that no means no and that their yes, means yes.There is absolutely nothing wrong with approaching your
husband and out of a place of respect and love, letting him know you disagree.
There is nothing wrong with knowing your value and if and when a situation
arises where a man refuses to hear your opinion, take a walk. No woman should
give up her voice, give up her dreams and more importantly, find herself locked
within the confines of her own home. How incredibly sad. My heart breaks and
yet it is a huge reminder to me that teaching my girls to maintain a voice is
the right path. They know their likes, dislikes and are encouraged to speak
those openly while maintaining their class.There is a line between standing up for yourself and being down right rude.
To this day my husband laughs and brings up one Christmas
long ago. A dear friend, bless her heart, but she bought me a book for
Christmas. I guarantee at some point she showed up unannounced only to walk in
and hear me giving my husband the business. She leads her life very differently
and in return she felt compelled to buy me, “A Spirit Controlled Woman” as a
Christmas gift. I took that as constructive criticism and read the book. I
figured I had nothing to lose. The book only fueled me to realize that yes, in
fact I do have a very free and strong willed spirit. It is who I am and God is teaching
me daily. I have found tact and other ways to get a point across without stamping
a foot and insisting immediate changes. However, you best believe that my
husband knows where I stand. He knows that I won’t hesitate one second to speak
up.
I pray my girls grow up to be the same way. I pray they grow
up to know how to look for a good man. A man with a kind heart and a
willingness to better himself daily and a man willing to recognize that
marriage is a unity that should be lived with both people equally playing a
part. I hope that I guide them daily to trust God and to learn to recognize discernment
so that if they do date a man with a controlling spirit that they learn to jump
ship. No man is worth chasing after just to lose yourself. I hope you too will
join me in helping to guide these young girls so that they never find themselves
living with padlocks on their own doors.
-Sarah
-Sarah
